Feelin' a bit self-conscious about your boobs? Get this tshirt, and now people will stare at your chest the way you hope they would! It's a simple idea, the kind that you wonder why these haven't been for sale at Spencer's for the past eighty years, but, hey, sometimes original things are the most obvious.

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No parades, no retrospectives full of famous people saying how it changed their lives, no enormous marble statue in the town square, but despite the lack of folderol the bra has turned 100 years old. Patented by a New York socialite in 1914, the technology is second only to space travel and computers when it comes to the amount of technological ingenuity thrown at it. All to keep boobs happy, so thanks, bras!

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I know, Blurred Lines is too, too rapey to truly enjoy, but the gif below is the sexiest three seconds I think I've ever seen in my life. The whole uncensored video is here, but you should just watch the gif for a while, otherwise you'll find yourself nodding your head along to the painfully catchy song about takin' a good girl who just needs to stop pretending what she doesn't want.

If you're trying to find a cheap gift for somebody who likes to read, send them my e-book Christmas With Katie, an erotic short story I published last winter. Mike spends some quality time with his brother Greg's wife over Christmas, and things get sexy.

Video game company Crytek has a new game called Ryse, taking place in Ancient Rome, but there's something a bit confusing about the ancient Romans: their boobs are apparently affected by forces unknown to man. I suppose this weird boob bouncing seen in the clip below is actually the doing of the Gods, like everything else in ancient Roman videogames. The programmers of Ryse aren't doing nerd-dom any favors by making it appear that they've never seen boobs in motion before. If there's anything 3D artists love it's to have a live example to base their math on - the video game company should have afforded at least a couple hundred bucks to pay a woman to walk around a while, if only to improve office morale rather than making everyone look like idiots by depicting a woman with rubbery detached breasts that have a life of their own.

A recent study by bra manufacturer Triumph says that 34D is the breast size everyone wants - the same size as beautiful Kate Upton. Well duh, who DOESN'T want Kate Upton's boobs, if at least to only enjoy them for a little while? They're some of the only breasts to have their own Facebook account, they are so magnificent.

After an off-the-cuff comment about how, if programmers are trying to make boobs behave realistically in video games, they should include bra shopping horrors and mammograms, one guy decided to make it a reality. He set up the site The BoobJam, and has asked for submissions from creative types, asking them to create video games that treat the female breast in a realistic way -- and not just constant heaving and thrusting. I suppose if you include some of that you'll be fine, but it shouldn't be the focus of these pixellated boobs for BoobJam. I'm no programmer but I do know a couple - maybe I should think up a game for them to make. If I don't come up with one, at least I will have spent a couple weeks thinking about boobs, so it's a win-win as far a I'm concerned.

Tina Andrews is an entrepeneur with a goal, and she's only one step lower than most Kickstarter projects. Tina wanders along the busy highway in Florida, asking people to donate money to her breast enhancement surgery. From the pictures I've seen, there ain't nothing wrong with her tits at all -- maybe she should use the money for body-image counseling. My guess is this is 50% dare, 50% prank, and 30% "let's get on TV!" (since when does a local TV station send out a crew the first time some chick holds up a sign on the curb?) All I can think is: I'd like to hold up a sign for big boobs, and I'll just borrow 'em for a couple minutes.

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I've had so many book-related posts lately that I practically need a header image for you. None of these are totally nude, but they're definitely sexy and NSFW, and they're so into their books that you'd hate to interrupt the pretty lady, so you just masturbate in the corner until she's finished with that chapter.

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There's a company making tank tops with fruit names across them, in hopes that ladies will help onlookers identify their breast size. Note that, due to the average size of fashion models, they couldn't even find anyone to properly fill out a "melons" shirt. Just watch out for the lady wearing one that says "DURIANS", that means "keep away!"

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Hey, everyone - it turns out that breast massage may help prevent cancer. Which reminds me of something I helped Gracie make at Sex~Kitten many, many years ago - how to give awesome breast massages. You're welcome.

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So, let's say you're a sexy-as-hell teacher, and you're not attracted to your students? Well, just pose for "tasteful nudes", and people will go full-on ape-shit over your behavior as if you had fucked a student. I mean, really, I can't imagine Miss Sprauer did this without thinking about how it might affect her college-degreed career. Anyhow, that career is gone; she apparently has told the world she's quitting teaching to be a full-time model, because if there's one thing that's a lifetime career, it's topless modeling. I mean, seriously, who ever heard of a teacher retiring after fifty years on the job?

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Felix Economakis, clinical psychologist who has participated in vetted and peer-reviewed media such as "Freaky Eaters" and "The Panic Room", has made a bold new claim: using nothing but hypnosis, he can make boobs grow. Economakis believes he can talk directly to the hormone parts of the woman's body and command it to release boob-growing goo. This is all because -- in his words -- the "brain usually keeps a woman's breast from growing." Seriously, ladies: Mr. Economakis wants you to know that, if you're dissatisfied with your breasts, it's all in your head, which isn't exactly the way he put it, but is more true than blaming women's stress levels for breast size. That's crazy. At least Economakis' technique is less destructive than implants or fat injections, because it's less sad to hypnotize a woman into thinking her breasts are bigger than to placate her poor self image with surgery. And now, a video of Mr. Economakis' technique in action:

Sophia Vergara's mom did the universe a favor and told the busty actress that it would piss God off if she got a breast reduction. Thank you, Mrs. Vergara, for making sure the world is a place where we can all enjoy Sophia's finest assets, as pictured below, but unrelated to the Dr. Oz interview where she talks about it.

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Otto Titzling is spinning in his grave. For 15 years, a doctor in France has studied 130 women and decided that bras aren't really all that awesome. 130 doesn't seem that thorough: I don't know how many 40G boobs he was around, but there's definitely some people in need of a well-fitting bra. However, I can't complain about nicely-shaped pair of boobs swinging free, so use this information however fits, ladies.

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Of all the possible things to bitch about your body, ladies, do you have a problem with inverted nipples? Well, Japan is out to fix it, with their inverted-nipple-sucking-tool that will fix something that you really shouldn't complain about. I mean, why invest in a machine to do it, when there's so many men willing to volunteer for free to suck your nipples themselves? Not that you should let those pervs do it - but if they're willing to do the work of this machine, then leave your fucking nipples the way they are, we love 'em like that.

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Is there nothing more adorable than this? Two of my favorite things get put together, like peanut butter and chocolate, or Volkswagens with tank treads. Topless Girls Reading Books is a thing now, and it makes me sad that it took this long. Below, a young lady reads from Fargo Rock City - don't feel bad, honey, we all have that much trouble reading Chuck Klosterman, it's OK.

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Now that Pope Palpatine XIXVIIXX is resigning from his position at the Vatican, the Femen protestors stopped by to announce their pleasure regarding the event, and, I can only assume, have put down their names on the list of people willing to volunteer to be the next pope. The event is remarkable (aside for the naked boobies on hallowed ground) for the photo below, which adds hilarity to the insanity. This guy's gotta be on Ellen sometime next week, or her production assistants are missing a golden opportunity.

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